The latest blog posts

When you think of great moments in psychological warfare thoughts usually turn to Genghis Khan catapulting human heads over city walls, Britain floating a body with fake invasion plans towards the Jerries, or Americans flushing out General Noriega via maximum volume Van Halen. Nobody expected that the next evolution in… Read more
Published: 1 day ago
Source: Demonblog.com
There's plenty to be said for flying to the other side of the country and rebooting your premiership defence by holding the locals to a pitiful score. But after 33 years of watching footy, I've discovered that some of the most satisfying wins are when umpiring causes an interstate crowd… Read more
Published: 8 days ago
Source: Demonblog.com
In the increasingly unlikely event that Saturday 24 September ends in back-to-back flag glory I will absolutely piss myself thinking back to this game. There's losing, there's losing a thriller, there's losing a thriller with excuses, then there's losing a thriller in farcical fashion where the only reason you can't… Read more
Published: 14 days ago
Source: Demonblog.com
During the week the club asked for your favourite moment from the Alice Springs games. The attached highlights package included eclectic moments from Jeremy Howe taking a screamer (obviously in a loss) to Heritier Lumumba doing the Adam Goodes dance after a goal. Sadly no sign of my selections, sending… Read more
Published: 21 days ago
Source: Demonblog.com
The staff and management of Demonblog.com apologise in advance for the least complete review of a home and away match for about 15 years. This is due to a) the lead-up to a hated Thursday night match giving me the shits to the point where I didn't even want to… Read more
Published: 1 month ago
Source: Demonblog.com
We'll get to the obligatory mention of the 2021 premiership season shortly, but do you ever stop at random during your day and marvel about how we've ended up with so many great players at the same time? It's still not clear if there's a second flag on the horizon,… Read more
Published: 1 month ago
Source: Demonblog.com
Back in my day things were easy. You'd show up expecting a loss, get one, and go home to moan about it on the internet while listening to Finey's Final Siren callers melting down (and drink a cup of sulphuric acid). Winning 17 straight games and a flag raised expectations… Read more
Published: 1 month ago
Source: Demonblog.com
If you thought losing two in a row represented a return to traditional values a throwback to the days when we attracted scandal like a magnet much have been comforting. First there were desperate attempts to pin plummeting crowd numbers on us for not suddenly finding 15,000 match-going fans under… Read more
Published: 1 month ago
Source: Demonblog.com
Ever since Ben and Mitch Brown ended up on our list together, top men at Demonblog Towers have been working on novelty headlines for the unlikely event of them playing together. On Saturday night Brown O'Clock finally struck, was not Golden Brown, and all leftover gags about their surname have… Read more
Published: 2 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
You won't be surprised to hear that most of my time is spent thinking about the post-1996 history of the Melbourne Football Club. The black and white stuff is interesting (plug), and one day we'll take an in-depth look at the 1970s and 1980s, but it's what I saw/suffered through/finally relished… Read more
Published: 2 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
Cast your mind back to when things started to go tremendously wrong in early 2019 and the simple act of putting mean tweets on the banner was held up as an example of a footy club stepping out of its lane. "Why don't they practice how to get a kick… Read more
Published: 2 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
When you literally win every week they're not all going to feature swashbuckling end-to-end football that strikes terror into hearts around the nation. This certainly did not, finally answering the key life question of "what's the least exciting thrashing you've ever seen?" Which is just the sort of Alan Partridge-esque… Read more
Published: 2 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
When you're a middle class suburban dickhead it's hard to understand why rich, talented and successful people fall off the rails. How, you wonder, can anyone go to pieces when they've got all the riches in the world at their disposal? Halfway through the third quarter here I discovered the… Read more
Published: 2 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
Now, let's cross to the Melbourne Football Club COVID ward: Yes, it's the week when the pandemic finally got to us. Until now Pfizer has been the only organisation to have done better from it, but our luck finally ran out when AAMI Park was (not for the first time)… Read more
Published: 3 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
Every great empire goes tits up eventually. The Romans met the Visigoths, the French dropped successive games in Vietnam and Algeria, Britain threw it all away over the Suez Canal, and Melbourne sacked Norm Smith. With an appropriate level of respect to the original best team of the last decade,… Read more
Published: 3 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
There was a lot to be annoyed about between 2012 and 2021, but it always shit me that we'd never properly thrashed the Giants since our first meeting. There have been limited highlights at the 'G, like the 12 goal miracle quarter against a side that went on to win one game for… Read more
Published: 3 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
So, this is what it feels like to lose a Grand Final? Probably better here than 25/09/2021 or I'd have been carted out in a pine box. This is not intended to play down the respect I've got for our women's team, it's just that we're about 25 years of… Read more
Published: 3 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
This season is giving me the same sort of stress as if I'd won the lottery. Sure, I'd enjoy having $52 million in the bank but I'd also be too terrified to cross the street in case I was run over by some pisshead driving the wrong way. Now I'm… Read more
Published: 3 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
It's official, as if you didn't already know, there has never been a better time to follow Melbourne in 60 years. The men are the best team in the country, and after six years of battling away at the top of the ladder, the women finally get their chance at… Read more
Published: 4 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
I had one perfectly good reason for not going on Friday night, but didn't expect it to be superseded by the Wide World of Illness. All available testing confirmed it wasn't COVID19, but I may have accidentally discovered COVID22. There was cold, there was flu, there was a slapstick faint… Read more
Published: 4 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
I suspect more opposition fans read this than Melbournians, so for those who follow successful clubs, please outline the exact point where you started going into games expecting to win. I don't feel like I could ever get there, but there's got to be a point – and it used… Read more
Published: 4 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
Once they're finished studying the Mad Minute, post-nuclear war scientists will sift through rubble for evidence of the 2021 Grand Final and try to work out why Footscray got so upset about that song. For the benefit of brave, radioactive suited types going through the shattered archives at Blogger HQ,… Read more
Published: 4 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
You might not be able to play a side ravaged by the 'cron every week, but for the first time in AFLW history we've made it through the entire home and away season without a single upset loss to the lower classes. This important achievement didn't come without a scare,… Read more
Published: 4 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
"Defending premier Melbourne" eh? I still don't believe it. Perversely, it may take until we're no good again – currently estimated at some time after the next passage of Halley's Comet – to fully appreciate what a special time this is. I'm a bit afraid of wasting the rest of our… Read more
Published: 4 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
Sun Tzu said: "If you wait by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float by". I say if you watch Melbourne long enough something crazy will happen. In this case, turning a top of the table blockbuster into an unprecedented massacre, claiming both the highest score… Read more
Published: 5 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
The most lightweight pre-season schedule since about 1898 is over, and it's thoughts and prayers to Jake Bowey, who has finally played in a loss. Presumably, he didn't react by throwing his premiership medallion into the Yarra, and we should retain our bundle too. Other than the forward line we… Read more
Published: 5 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
People who want to play the AFLW season at the same time as the men, spare a thought for those of us who foolishly committed to doing match reviews of every game. Even this brief crossover between both competitions is cooking me. That's after just three games in seven days,… Read more
Published: 5 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
All you work from home people must have been thrilled by the idea of a midweek practice match. Set your Netflix viewing schedule back a couple of hours, move the mouse cursor enough so you stay 'online', and kick back for the first outing of the reigning premier. Alternatively, after… Read more
Published: 5 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
You can't always get everything right. On its launch I said the iPad would be a failure, thought Malcolm Turnbull would have a good run as PM, and you can refer to match reviews from rounds 1-21 2021 for highly inaccurate predictions about Melbourne's premiership chances. But as the fly… Read more
Published: 5 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
It's a weird and wonderful world if you follow Melbourne AFLW. We beat ordinary sides without ever looking particularly dangerous, can't be beaten on a ground that's worse for Australian rules than the Russians are for international peace, and went within touching distance of holding a side scoreless for the… Read more
Published: 5 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
In every year since I started watching footy, I'd have bitten your hand off for a 4-1 start. Mainly because, as we discovered between August and last week winning is more fun than losing, but because it's a decent deposit on finals berth. The wins are worth even more in… Read more
Published: 6 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
In years to come, historians will speak in hushed tones of an era where all you had to do to win at Australian Rules football was play under the name 'Melbourne'. From 1 August, 2021 to 29 January, 2022 this once putrid organisation was unstoppable. Then we went three quarters… Read more
Published: 6 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
Preliminary RoundDaniel Turner vs James JordonKade Chandler vs Luke DunstanBailey Laurie vs Andy Moniz-WakefieldJake Bowey vs Taj WoewodinMajak Daw vs Jacob van RooyenJoel Smith vs Oskar BakerBlake Howes vs Toby BedfordFraser Rosman vs Adam Tomlinson vs Mitch BrownJudd McVee vs Deakyn Smith vs Ben BrownRound 11. Christian Petracca vs Trent… Read more
Published: 6 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
Finally, Melbourne came back to Casey Fields. At three quarter time, things looked more Maurie Fields, as the Great Australian Joke loomed over fans who have grown accustomed to winning every game from now until the end of time. Scores were level and we were about to kick with a strong… Read more
Published: 6 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
Usually I'm fanging for footy by mid-December and have all the advance work on this competition done a month out. This year, in all the excitement of being the best team in the world at our chosen sport, I completely forgot it existed until less than a week before the… Read more
Published: 6 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
Once a soccer fan laughed heartily at my suggestion that the AFL would start a summer competition just to try and screw over the A-League. That's about the only thing I predicted correctly, I'd never have considered playing women coached by Ryan Ferguson, in hot, humid conditions, at a rebranded… Read more
Published: 6 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
On Saturday 29 June, 2013 we kicked off top-level women's football, our men won their second and last game of the season. Now the Melbourne Football Club may never lose another match. That's what I call progress.You may have heard that our men's team did something absolutely bloody spectacular about… Read more
Published: 6 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
It's unfortunate that every new post from here will push the one about the Grand Final further into the archives. It would have been appropriate if I never posted again, leaving that post at the top of the page until the very moment humanity is wiped out like the dinosaurs…. Read more
Published: 8 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
On the scale of things I never expected to do, reviewing a premiership season sat alongside climbing Mt. Everest and having the ARIA #1 single. The first two can get stuffed, staying alive long enough to see Melbourne win a flag is my greatest achievement.Some of you were privileged to… Read more
Published: 9 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
On the afternoon of Saturday 19 September 1964, 13-year-old old Melbourne fan John Gleeson was dragged from his seat during the last quarter of the Grand Final so his dad could beat the traffic. After listening to Neil Crompton's famous premiership winning kick on the radio, Gleeson's father said "Don't… Read more
Published: 10 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
That's right, you heard me. Post premiership. Melbourne. 2021. 13th flag. First without some involvement from Norm Smith since 1926. The curse has been reversed, #fistedforever is dead, and we are – comprehensively as it turns out – the best team in the world at playing Australian rules football. Even a… Read more
Published: 10 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
It has, more than any other time in my supporting life, been a big week in football. Would like to say I was coping well with the idea of Melbourne in a Grand Final, but that would be a big, fat, lie. I've never clammed up and gone into denial… Read more
Published: 10 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
Other than people complaining about the Victorian premier 23 hours a day, there's not a lot to compare 1994 and 2021. The international villains are different, you can watch old TV shows without having to buy them three videos at a time from the ABC Shop, and on average you'll… Read more
Published: 10 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
Monday 13 SeptemberWatched the 12 minute clip of Gawn's goals with different commentary. By the time I'd seen Garry Lyon pissing himself laughing several times I was doing it too. Still hard to believe any of it happened.Added a placeholder page for the Grand Final to Demonwiki. Surreal feeling, considering… Read more
Published: 10 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
There's no time for a fancy introduction. It does what it says on the tin.Bill McIntyreMFC 1920 (3 games), Footscray 1925 (13 games)World War I veteran who found himself at Melbourne for three consecutive games in 1920. Cleared to play with then-VFA side Footscray in 1920 and remained there through… Read more
Published: 10 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
You might have heard that there's a big game against Footscray (never Western Bulldogs) coming up on the 25th. It continues a series that began in Round 4, 1925, went through a World War, a famous-for-the-wrong-reasons Grand Final, and survived multiple attempts to kill one or both clubs off.I can't… Read more
Published: 10 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
A long time ago, in a galaxy far away, there was a world where Melbourne didn't make Grand Finals. That world sucked. This one is better. If I'm trapped in a virtual reality experiment, please cue up Melbourne d. Footscray.exe for Saturday 25 September and let me live the rest… Read more
Published: 10 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com
Well bugger me, Melbourne is in a Grand Final. As much as I intended to go all night to get the post out if that's what it took, I'm not as young as I used to be and am caving in at 04:35hrs. I 100% guaran-damn-tee* you this post will… Read more
Published: 10 months ago
Source: Demonblog.com